How to make a quick hot ham and cheese sandwich: A guide for Moms
(a post based upon true life events)
1. Get a plate
2. Retrieve the loaf of bread from the pantry. Strike that. Figure out where the kids have put the loaf of bread.
3. Get the baby out of the middle child’s bedroom and shut the door.
4. Undo the twist tie on the bread that the middle child has managed to twist in 3 different directions at once.
5. Go see what that crash was in the living room.
6. Put bread in toaster.
7. Retrieve ham from fridge.
8. Take the schoolbook away from the baby before he rips the pages out.
9. Retrieve 4 slices, no, 2 slices of meat from the package.
10. Go see what that other crash in the living room was.
11. Retrieve 2 more slices of meat from the bag and put it all on a plate.
12. Pick up the bin of books that the baby has just dumped all over the floor and replace with a smaller bin that is harder for him to reach.
13. Put plate in microwave. Hear toast pop up.
14. Get butter.
15. Take whatever that was out of the baby’s mouth… Wonder where in the heck he found a giant bejeweled ring.
16. Wash hands
17. Butter 1 piece of cold toast and start microwave.
18. Get the baby out of the cupboard.
19. Butter the second piece of cold toast.
20. Get the cheese out of the fridge.
21. It’s quiet…. Too quiet….
22. Get the baby out of the bathroom that you KNOW the door was just shut to a minute ago.
23. Retrieve plate of cold ham from the microwave
24. Put cold ham and cheese on cold buttered toast
25. Go see what that crash was in the hallway.
26. Get the baby off of the overturned hamper, pick up the dirty clothes.
27. Put cold “hot” sandwich in microwave for 20 seconds.
28. Pick up the bowl of holiday candy that the baby has just managed to get off of the edge of a table and spill all over the floor.
29. Retrieve lukewarm sandwich from microwave and place on dining room table.
30. Sit down
31. Get up and get the baby out of the trash
32. Put the baby in his bouncy seat from which he cannot escape.
33. Eat cold sandwich.
